"TITTER YE NOT"
What did they say at South
Park when they heard the
news about JFK Jr?
OH MY GOD! THEY HAVE KILLED KENNY!
A man dies, and he's
standing by the gates of hell. There he sees John F Kennedy with an incredibly
The man turns to the Devil
and asks why his JFK with
this hideous looking person.
The Devil replies, "Well, Jack
has done some bad things in
his life and that's his
The man looks around a little
more and sees Bill Clinton
with a beautiful model.
The stunned guy asks
"What's Bill Clinton doing with that model?"
The devil replied, "Well, that
model did some pretty bad
things in her life."
As Air Force One prepares to land, the captain makes his customary request over the loudspeaker:
“Mr. President, would you
please return the Flight
Attendant to her upright
position and prepare to land?”
JFK ASSASSINATION VIDEO
LEE HARVEY OSWALD
was assassinated at 12:30 p.m. Central Standard Time(18:30 UTC)
on Friday, November the 22nd, 1963, in Dealey Plaza, Dallas,
Kennedy was fatally shot by a sniper while traveling with his wife
Jacqueline, Texas Governor John Connally, and Connally's wife
Nellie, in a presidential motorcade. A ten-month investigation from
November 1963 to September 1964 by the Warren Commission
concluded that Kennedy was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald,
acting alone, and that Jack Ruby also acted alone when he killed
Oswald before he could stand trial.
Kennedy's death marked the fourth and latest successful
assassination of an American President. Vice President Lyndon
B. Johnson was subsequently elevated to the office of President.
In contrast to the conclusions of the Warren Commission, the
(HSCA) concluded in 1979 that Kennedy was “probably
assassinated as a result of a conspiracy.”
The HSCA agreed with the Warren Commission in that Kennedy and
Connally’s injuries were caused by Oswald’s three rifle shots, but they
also determined the existence of additional gunshots based on
analysis of an audio recordingand therefore "...a high probability that
two gunmen fired at the President." The Committee was not able to
identify any individuals or groups involved with the conspiracy. In
addition, the HSCA found that the original federal investigations were
“seriously flawed” in respects to information sharing and the
possibility of conspiracy. As recommended by the HSCA, the acoustic
evidence indicating conspiracy was subsequently reexamined and
In light of investigative reports determining that "reliable acoustic data
do not support a conclusion that there was a second gunman", the
Justice Department has concluded active investigations, stating “that
no persuasive evidence can be identified to support the theory of a
conspiracy in … the assassination of President Kennedy”. However,
Kennedy's assassination is still the subject of widespread debate and
has spawned numerous conspiracy theories and alternative
scenarios. Polling in 2013 showed that 60% of Americans believe that
a group of conspirators was responsible responsible for the
President Kennedy's motorcade route through Dallas was planned to
give him maximum exposure to Dallas crowds before his arrival,
along with Vice-President Lyndon Johnson and Texas Governor John
Connally, at a luncheon with civic and business leaders in that city.
The White House staff informed the Secret Service that the President
would arrive in Dallas via a short flight from Carswell Air Force Base
in Fort Worth to Dallas Love Field airport. At 12:30 p.m. CST, as
President Kennedy's uncovered 1961 Lincoln Continental four-door
convertible limousine entered Dealey Plaza, Nellie Connally, then
the First Lady of Texas, turned around to President Kennedy, who
was sitting behind her, and commented, "Mr. President, you can't say Dallas doesn't love you,"which President Kennedy
acknowledged by saying "No, you certainly can't. " Those were the last words ever spoken by John F. Kennedy.
From Houston Street, the presidential limousine made the planned left turn onto Elm Street, allowing it access to the Stemmons
Freeway exit. As it turned on Elm, the motorcade passed the Texas School Book Depository. Shots were fired at President Kennedy as they continued down Elm Street. About 80% of the witnesses recalled hearing three shots. A minority of the witnesses recognized the first gunshot they heard as weapon fire, but there was hardly any reaction to the first shot from a majority of the people in the crowd or those riding in the motorcade. Many later said they heard what they first thought to be a firecracker, or the exhaust backfire of a vehicle, just after the President started waving.
Within one second of each other, President Kennedy, Governor Connally, and Mrs. Kennedy, all turned abruptly from looking to left to looking to their right, between Zapruder film frames 155 and 169. Connally, like the President, a World War II military veteran (and, unlike him, a longtime hunter), testified he immediately recognized the sound of a high-powered rifle, then he turned his head and torso rightward, attempting to see President Kennedy behind him. Governor Connally testified he could not see the President, so he then started to turn forward again (turning from his right to his left). Connally testified that when his head was facing about 20 degrees left of center, he was hit in his upper right back by a bullet that he did not hear fired. The doctor who operated on Connally measured his head at the time he was hit as turned 27 degrees left of center. After Connally was hit he shouted, "Oh, no, no, no. My God. They're going to kill us all!"
Mrs. Connally testified that just after hearing a first loud, frightening noise that came from somewhere behind her and to her right, she turned toward President Kennedy and saw him with his arms and elbows raised high, with his hands in front of his face and throat. She then heard another gunshot and then Governor Connally yelling. Mrs. Connally then turned away from President Kennedy toward her husband, at which point another gunshot sounded and she and the limousine's rear interior were covered with fragments of skull, blood, and brain.
JFK ON ROUTE TO MURDER
According to the Warren Commission and the House Select Committee on Assassinations, as President Kennedy waved to the crowds on his right with his right arm upraised on the side of the limo, a shot entered his upper back, penetrated his neck, slightly damaged a spinal vertebra and the top of his right lung, and exited his throat nearly centerline just beneath his larynx, nicking the left side of his suit tie knot. He raised his elbows and clenched his fists of his face and neck, then leaned forward and left. Mrs. Kennedy,
facing him, she then put her arms around him in concern.
Governor Connally also reacted after the same bullet penetrated his back just below his right armpit, creating an oval entry wound, impacted and destroyed four inches of his right fifth rib, exited his chest just below his right nipple, creating a two-and-a-half inch oval sucking-air chest wound, entered his arm just above his right wrist, cleanly shattered his right radius bone into eight pieces, exited just below the wrist at the inner
side of his right palm, and finally lodged in his left inner thigh. The Warren Commission theorized that the "single bullet" (see single-bullet theory) struck sometime between Zapruder frames 210 to 225, while the House Select Committee theorized that its truck
exactly at Zapruder frame 190.
According to the Warren Commission, a second shot struck the President at Zapruder film frame 313. The Commission made no conclusion as to whether this was the second or third bullet fired. The presidential limousine was then passing in front of the John Neely Bryan north pergola concrete structure. Meanwhile, the House Select Committee concluded that a fourth shot was then fired at almost the same time, from a separate sniper, but that it missed.
Each body concluded that the second shot to hit the president entered the rear of his head (the House Select Committee placed the entry wound four inches higher than the Warren Commission placed it) and, passing in fragments through his head, created a large, "roughly ovular" hole on the rear, right side. The president's blood and fragments of his scalp, brain, and skull landed on the interior of the car, the inner and outer surfaces of the front glass windshield and raised sun visors, the front engine hood, the rear trunk lid, the following Secret Service car and its driver's left arm, and motorcycle officers riding on both sides of the President behind him.
United States Secret Service Special Agent Clint Hill was riding on the left front running board of the follow-up car, which was immediately
behind the Presidential limousine. Hill testified that he heard one shot, then, as documented in other films and concurrent with Zapruder frame
jumped off into Elm Street and ran forward to try to get on the limousine and protect the President. (Hill testified to the Warren Commission that after he jumped into Elm Street, he heard two more shots.)
THE HUMAN LEAGUE SECONDS
After the President had been shot in the head, Mrs. Kennedy began to climb out onto the back of the limousine, though she later had no recollection of doing so. Hill believed she was reaching for something, perhaps a piece of the President's skull. He jumped onto the back of the limousine while at the same time Mrs. Kennedy returned to her seat, and he clung to the car as it exited Dealey Plaza and accelerated, speeding to Parkland Memorial Hospital.
After Mrs. Kennedy crawled back into her limousine seat, both Governor Connally and Mrs. Connally heard her say more than once,
"They have killed my husband," and "I have his brains in my hand." In a long-redacted interview for Life magazine days later, Mrs. Kennedy recalled, "All the ride to the hospital I kept bending over him saying, 'Jack, Jack, can you hear me? I love you, Jack.' I kept holding the top of his head down trying to keep the..." The President's widow could not finish her sentence.
Lee Harvey Oswald, reported missing to the Dallas police by Roy Truly, his supervisor at the Depository, was arrested approximately 70 minutes after the assassination for the murder of Dallas police officer J. D. Tippit. According to witness Helen Markam, Tippit had spotted Oswald walking along a sidewalk in the residential neighborhood of Oak Cliff, three miles from Dealey Plaza. Officer Tippit had earlier received a radio message which gave a
description of the suspect being sought in the assassination and called
Oswald over to the patrol car.
Helen Markam testified that after an exchange of words, Tippit got out of
his car and Oswald shot him four times. Oswald was next seen by shoe
store manager Johnny Brewer "ducking into" the entrance alcove of his
store. Suspicious of this activity, Brewer watched Oswald continue up the
street and slip into the nearby Texas Theatre without paying. Brewer
alerted he theater's ticket clerk, who telephoned police at about 1:40 p.m.
According to one of the arresting officers, M.N. McDonald, Oswald resisted
arrest and was attempting to draw his pistol when he was struck and forcibly restrained by the police. He was charged with the murders of President Kennedy and Officer Tippit later that night. Oswald denied shooting anyone and claimed he was a patsy who was arrested because he had lived in the Soviet Union.
Oswald's case never came to trial because two days later, while being escorted to a car for transfer from Dallas Police Headquarters to the Dallas County Jail, he was shot and mortally wounded by Dallas nightclub owner Jack Ruby, live on American television at 11:21 a.m. CST on Sunday, November the 24th. Oswald was taken unconscious by ambulance to Parkland Memorial Hospital, the same hospital where doctors tried to save President Kennedy's life two days earlier. Oswald died at 1:07 p.m. Oswald's death was announced on a TV news broadcast by Dallas police chief Jesse Curry. An autopsy was performed by the Dallas County Medical Examiner at 2:45 p.m. the same day. The stated cause of death in the autopsy report was "hemorrhage secondary to gunshot wound of the chest." Arrested immediately after the shooting, Ruby later said that he had been distraught over the Kennedy assassination and that killing Oswald would spare "...Mrs. Kennedy the discomfiture of coming back to trial."
There are numerous conspiracy theories surrounding the assassination. These theories posit that the assassination involved people or organizations other than Lee Harvey Oswald. Most current theories put forth a criminal conspiracy involving parties as variedas the CIA, the Mafia, sitting Vice President Lyndon B. Johnson, Cuban President Fidel Castro, the KGB, or some combination of those entities. Some conspiracy theories claim that the United States government covered up crucial information in the aftermath of the assassination.
In 1964, the Warren Commission concluded that
only Lee Harvey Oswald was responsible for the
assassination of Kennedy. Subsequent
investigations confirmed most of the conclusions
of the Commission. In 1979, the United States
House Select Committee on Assassinations
(HSCA) concluded that a second gunman besides
Oswald probably fired at Kennedy. The HSCA did
not identify the second gunman, nor did it identify
any other person or organization as having been
involved. The acoustical evidence that the HSCA
based its second gunman conclusion on has
since been discredited.
Public opinion polls have consistently shown that a majority of Americans believe there was a conspiracy to kill Kennedy. Gallup
polls have also found that only 20-30% of the population believe that Oswald had acted alone. These polls also show that there is
no agreement on who else may have been involved. Vincent Bugliosi estimated that a total of 42 groups, 82 assassins, and 214 people had been accused in various Kennedy assassination conspiracy theories.
The assassination has been the subject of many time travel and alternate history stories in science fiction film, television and literature.
In the 1980 novel Timescape by Gregory Benford, Kennedy's assassinaton was averted by a high school student who interrupted Lee Harvey Oswald at the Texas School Book Depository, attacking the shooter and sending the would-be fatal third shot awry. Although seriously injured, Kennedy survived. This interference created an alternate timeline in which William Scranton was the US President in 1974, having defeated Robert F. Kennedy due to a telephone tapping scandal.
"Profile in Silver", a segment of a 1985 episode of The Twilight Zone, features a time traveler (Dr. Joseph Fitzgerald) from 2172
who is sent to record the assassination, but who intentionally prevents it. The interference sets up a chain of events beginning with the assassination of Nikita Khrushchev that may culminate in a nuclear war that will destroy the human race. Fitzgerald realizes his folly in disrupting history and tries to reverse his disturbance. The timeline is ultimately restored when Fitzgerald takes Kennedy's place in the motorcade, while the president is transported to safety in 2172.
"Lee Harvey Oswald", the 1992 season opener for the TV series Quantum Leap, finds Sam Beckett leaping into Oswald's body. At a critical moment, Al Calavicci prompts him to leap into Secret Service Agent Clint Hill. Hill attempts to reach the President's car before the shots are fired, but he fails to prevent Kennedy's death. Calavicci later reveals that he and Beckett have saved one life–that of Jackie Kennedy, whom Oswald had killed along with the President in the original timeline. This episode was written by series creator Donald P. Bellisario, in response to the Oliver Stone film JFK. Bellisario (who served with Oswald in the Marine Corps) doesn't believe in a conspiracy; he used supporting evidence from the Warren Commission Report, and had Calavicci speculate that people find it comfortable to believe in a conspiracy, reasoning that if any one person can kill the President of the United States then nobody is safe.
In Stephen Baxter's novel Voyage (1996), the Dallas assassination attempt only succeeds in crippling Kennedy, but Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy is killed. Kennedy is re-elected in 1964 and commits the United States to landing a manned vessel on Mars, which occurs in 1986. The novel uses the assassination attempt only as the impetus for an alternate history US space program.
Stephen King's novel 11/22/63, published in 2011, tells about a time traveler trying to stop the assassination.
LEE HARVEY OSWALD 54018